Class teaches refusal skills to preteens and parents
October 30, 2008
By Laura Geggel
Sometimes it’s difficult to say no to a friend and maintain your friendship. At the final Guiding Good Choices parenting class Oct. 27, Snoqualmie Valley parents and children learned how to practice refusal skills and keep their friends, too.
Renne Billett of North Bend works with her sons Alex, left, and Brandon at a parenting class at Mount Si High School Oct. 27.
“Tonight, we’re going to be talking about avoiding trouble,” said Phoebe Terhaar, prevention parenting coordinator with Friends of Youth and the Snoqualmie Valley Community Network.
As families filtered into the Mount Si High School library after a free meal made by Mount Si culinary students, Terhaar asked parents if they had implemented lessons learned from the last four classes. Holding family meetings to discuss policies regarding chores and drugs strengthens family ties, Terhaar said.
“Do they know what would happen if they did use drugs?” Terhaar asked.
She said it was a better precaution than “finding something in their backpack at age 16.”
Terhaar, working with Twin Falls Middle School Counselor Dawn Dugan and four Mount Si natural helpers, showed the crowd of about eight families how to stay legal.
Normally, children are advised to be wary of strangers. But children should also be careful of getting involved with choices their friends make.
“My parents never said I might have to worry about my own friends,” Terhaar said. “I knew not to accept things from strangers, but not my friends.”
Through of series of skits, the natural helpers outlined how to resist friends who make bad choices. The strategy included four steps: asking questions, naming the trouble, identifying the consequences and suggesting an alternative activity.
Natural helper senior Alex Bolves selected volunteer Payton Graves to help him with a skit. Bolves asked Graves if she wanted to hang out with him at the school after dark.
Immediately suspicious, Graves pressed him with questions until Bolves revealed he planned to vandalize school property.
Following the remaining steps, Graves named the trouble — vandalism — and told him the consequences. They could get caught and get in trouble. Plus, she said, if her parents found out, she could be grounded. Graves named an alternate activity and said Bolves could join her if he wanted.
Bolves commended Graves on a job well done for refusing to partake in the trouble while maintaining a friendly connection by inviting him to join her at the other activity. He said the initial questioning was one of the most important steps.
“You have to make sure you get clear, concise answers,” Bolves said. “If they’re vague, it’s probably illegal or not good. They’re ashamed to say it.”
Dugan seconded him.
“This way, you can tell your friends how you feel, but keep your friendship,” Dugan said.
Natural helpers Bolves, Ben Olson, Gillian Kenagy and Kelly Besmer circulated the library practicing scenarios with the children.
Kenagy also demonstrated how to use refusal skills in situations with peer pressure.
“Move it, sell it, leave it,” Kenagy said.
She and Olson reviewed how children should stay calm, say the person’s name and make eye contact and say “listen to me,” to avoid shouting matches.
Fiona Himka of North Bend said the refusal skills were applicable for every age group.
“I think it’s just a great life skill that adults can use in everyday life,” Himka said.
Her son, 10-year-old Eamonn, said he learned about “walking away and saying no.”
Terhaar stressed the steps would be hard to follow at first, but would be easier with practice.
The fall parenting class, aimed at families with children ages 9 to 14, is a precursor to a five-week class for teenagers ages 14 to 17 in the spring. Friends of Youth offers the classes in partnership with Snoqualmie Valley School District, Opstad Counselor Steve Bates and various PTSA groups. The classes are also sponsored by King County’s Alcohol & Other Drug Prevention Program, with funds from the State of Washington Department of Social and Health Services’ Division of Alcohol & Substance Abuse.
The classes are derived from evidence-based training and research from the University of Washington.
Reach reporter Laura Geggel at 392-6434 .221 or lgeggel@snovalleystar.com.
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